It is the last day of the year. Time’s up. We have to empty Andrew’s dorm. We’ll no longer be able to pretend he is not here because he’s there. I am having the worst time ever, even my body is breaking out in rashes, eczema, all things I’ve never had before. I dreamed of [...]
Archive for December 2009
Off to pack Andrew’s dorm today
December 31, 2009Cuddling up with memories
December 30, 2009No words are scrambling to find their way out of me today. Only tears. I think I cried when Andrew first died, but mostly I screamed. I screamed myself into my clothes, I screamed into the phone to my friends: “Andrew is dead, come and take us to the hospital.” I kept running around and [...]
Anguish Over Andrew’s Dorm
December 29, 2009We have to empty Andrew’s dorm. Maybe today, tomorrow or the day after. It is a touchy subject for some reason. Whenever we bring it up, or I should say whenever I bring it up, the faces around the table become tense. We each have different ways of wanting to do this. When we talked [...]
Forever Invictus – Why The Name Change
December 28, 2009I have changed the name of the blog from Living Abraham Hicks to: Forever Invictus. Those of you who have been following me from the beginning, know that the purpose of this blog was to document the study and application of the Law of Attraction to my daily life. The how and why are explained [...]
How To Survive Christmas
December 27, 2009I suppose that one way to survive Christmas would be not to have it. An even better way would be to not only have it, but survive and thrive at Christmas. Or any other of the many “special occasions” scattered on the ground of this unfamiliar road, where anything can make one trip and fall. [...]
Invictus
December 26, 2009It is two o’clock in the morning; it is Christmas. The presents are wrapped and laid out around the tree. I am tired and miserable. I kept busy all day doing as much advance preparation as possible, so that cooking the Christmas meal will be more manageable. Apart from my April-showers-type, sudden bursts of crying, [...]
The Day Before Christmas
December 24, 2009December 24th “ ‘Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse…” I don’t know how many times over the years my husband and I have read this beautiful Christmas poem to our children while they were growing up. When they were little, the whole [...]
See-Sawing Between Past and Present
December 23, 2009The ruins in Pompeii Today is December 23rd. I have just woken up with my eyes overflowing with tears and the room seems shrouded in mist. Today’s entry in my diary reads, collect Florentina and Andrew from NYU, let Christmas begin! How is it possible to keep see-sawing from thinking that Andrew is alive only [...]
Twenty Years of Firsts
December 22, 2009Looking at the snow in the garden through the window, I realize that when it came two days ago, it was the first of the season and I am reminded that life is made of many firsts. Like the first time that Andrew stirred in my tummy, the flapping of a butterfly’s papery wings, could [...]
Andrew’s Dirty Laundry
December 21, 2009What can I say? I enjoy some strange things, or so it may seem to others. Nobody could understand why I wanted go to India on a spiritual boot camp. “Why do you want to sleep on floors? What’s so great about having to wash with a bucket in a toilet stall? And what’s this [...]
