Forever Invictus

A View Of Our Garden From Andrew's Window

There is so much snow outside! I don’t know about where you guys are, and what views you have outside your windows, but if you could see through mine, I am sure that even if snow is not your thing, you would still be impressed.
Last night I left all the blinds open, the snow’s luminescence was like light from Heaven.
I am afraid of the dark, and whenever I have to go to the bathroom during the night, I leave it to… well, I leave it  until I can leave it no longer. Andrew’s room is opposite the bathroom, and since his death, I feel uneasy looking into the darkness of his room and I always close his door at night.

But not last night. Last night, with all the doors and blinds open, the whole house was bathed in white light.
After going to the bathroom, I went and looked outside the windows in Andrew’s room. It was a beautiful view, and I was happy to finally be in his room at night.
In the semi darkness I sat on his bed with Bruno, Andrew’s teddy bear since he was one year-old, until he gave him to me, the Christmas he went to college.
“Time to pass on the torch,” he said when out of the wrapping paper came Bruno. My eyes filled with tears at the great honor. Hugh, Florentina and Robert were shocked, Bruno and Andrew had been inseparable. You would never see one without the other. Once he started middle school Andrew no longer took Bruno out with him, but together with the cat, it was Bruno that Andrew went looking for as soon as he got home from school.
“I can’t go to camp,” he once explained to me. “Because I can’t take Bruno with me, and I can’t go without him.”

In the snow’s light, lying on Andrew’s bed, this precious friend, this treasured member of our family, looked back at me with his beloved, knowing, loving eyes. With his soft face against mine, we spoke of times past.
“I have my memories,” Bruno told me. “And I promised my boy Andrew that I would look after you when he gave me to you.”
“But don’t you want to cry?” I asked him. “Don’t you miss him?”
“I have sworn The Teddy Bear’s Oath to: Succour, Assist, Love and Support. When I miss him, I look for him in my memories,” Bruno said turning his face to hide a tear.
“Bruno,” I said hugging him to my heart. “Do you remember the fun we had when we wrote: BRUNO AND THE SEARCH FOR WILLIAM?”
“Oh,” he smiled. “The children loved that story, didn’t they?”
I tucked him into Andrew’s bed and kissed him goodnight.
I didn’t have to ask him if he’d seen Andrew. He always sees him.

This entry was posted on February 26, 2010 at 12:36 pm and is filed under Living, memoir. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments.

Tags: Andrew, andrew williamson-noble, Bruno, Bruno and the search for William, fear of the dark, Heaven, Snow, Snow-light, Teddy Bear, The Teddy Bear's Oath